Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
