Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
