she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
