oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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