A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
