it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize