No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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