I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
