did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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