paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
