im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
