I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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