yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
