Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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