Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
