why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
