dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
