Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
