I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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