How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
