I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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