i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
