I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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