Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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