I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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