the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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