I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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