Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
