i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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