yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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