I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
