I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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