Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
