if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
