I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
