1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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