i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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