my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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