If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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