I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
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period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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