Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
