I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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