My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
