8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
