I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
