I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Everyone says I win the strip club
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
