well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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