Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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