I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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