he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
