Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize