I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill