If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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