PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.