There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober