I hope mine doesn't look like that
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea