If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head