Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.