I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize