I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
