Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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