I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
