if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
